YouTube jokes

Concrete science

A science YouTuber made an entertaining informative video “Explaining concrete while getting buried in it,” and found that he would rise out of the concrete slurry. Which prompted this carefully-researched anecdote:

skierpage
9:39 “I did not expect to be able to, like, float in concrete.”
I remember an early whack job I did for the DeCavalcante family. Big Nose Tony was so afraid of drowning as we filled the half barrel with concrete that we poured it up to his waist just to mess with him. But the extra concrete stayed liquid and increased the buoyancy forces on him, so he was able to wriggle out of it after two goons tossed him off the Carteret fishing pier. Fortunately Tony didn’t take it out on me, he knew it was just business, but legend has it he personally fed the goons into a garbage truck. That’s why we call them concrete overshoes, not concrete waders – a little goes a long way.

I used different concrete mixes for burying people on remote park service lands vs. a dockside nap with the fishes. Clinker is overrated, quick setting is the key. I’m writing this from prison.

Theory of everything

Egotistical near-genius Stephen Wolfram (who went to my college and I ran into a few times thereafter!) endlessly pushes his Wolfram Alpha knowledge engine and his increasingly esoteric grand unified theories that the universe is a cellular automaton and/or a computational exploration of group theory (huh??). He has been plugging his Wolfram language plug-in for ChatGPT, and someone commented and I responded:

Szabolcs Szekacs
I love how Stephen went exponential from explaining how ChatGPT develops a model to the computational structure of the universe behind what we can perceive in our physical world.

skierpage
“What will you be wanting for dinner, Dr. Wolfram?”
“From my principle of computational irreducibility, it necessarily follows that our brains are structures that can only perceive a subset of the ruliad graph theory underlying all computable realities, which would make predicting my future dietary wants impossible with the computational resources available in this universe; however my Wolfram language is close to generating a proof that neural firing is congruent with a cellular automata of sufficient complexity as explained in my book A New Kind of Science. So… fish and chips please.”

33 40 upvotes, maybe one of my highest ever. (I turn off notifications for likes and upvotes, life is too short.)

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software: fixing scanned photos in GIMP

I received boxes full of old family pictures that were cropped with the old selection tool of “Physical scissors”. Here are my notes on how I scanned them and neatened them up.

Scanning

Arrange multiple pictures on all-in-one printer’s scanner bed and scan them.
Clean the scanner glass each time due to sticky stuff
Copy each page of scans to Pictures/date folder/boxNN_photo_scans_XX.jpg
Do a quick crop in the KDE image tool Gwenview if it’s got lots of white space.

GIMP!

Open the image in the fun free powerful open-source GIMP image editor. I use the GIMP 3.0 beta pre-release, download it here. The downside is many tutorials and guidelines on the web are for previous versions of GIMP, but that’s true even if you use the stable version 2.10.

Crop and straighten

Roughly crop to what you want

Press R for rectangle select, roughly select a picture.
Image > Crop to Selection
Press Ctrl+Shift+J so the picture fills GIMP’s window.

Straighten the scan

You can drag out some guidelines from the ruler to help get right rotation. Straighten out the picture with Image > Transform > Arbitrary Rotation… : Roughly drag with the mouse, then use arrow keys for slight adjustments, then click Rotate.

Update 2025: the old thread Straightening a Scanned Image gives several other techniques and good advice. It’s probably easiest to use Tools > Measure (Shift+M), draw a measuring line on one of the edges, then click Straighten.

If the photo is warped, you might need to “square” it up. More details below.

Make a tighter crop

Press R for rectangle select, make tighter selection
TODO: For a recent square picture, why don’t tools like Image > Crop to Content and Image > Zealous Crop cut out the white around the image for me?

Instead, you can use the Tools > Selection Tools > Fuzzy Select tool; since Image > Crop to Selection will crop to its rectangle, you don’t have to be accurate unless an entire edge of the picture is white enough to look like the white background of the scanner. So,

In the Fuzzy Select tool’s Tool Options, set a fairly high threshold (15?) You probably don’t want Antialiasing and Feather edges. I think you want Select transparent areas

  • Click in the white border. This should mostly select the white border.
  • Select > Invert to instead select the picture.
  • You could at this point use Selection > Shrink… to shrink the selection by a few pixels to get rid of the random pixels of shadows and bleed along the edge of the photo, although I find each edge has more or less “bad” pixels.
  • Image > Crop to Selection

If this doesn’t wipe out must of the white surround, you could Undo a few times to get back to the selected white surround, then use the Rectangle Select Tool in add to selection mode to add the white strip.

Optional: unwarping

If at this point you have thin triangular strips of white or alpha pixels around some edges, you can either forget this obsessive desire to preserve as many pixels of a crappy old snapshot as possible, or try to unwarp the scanned photo into a perfect rectangle. Maybe the easiest tool to use is Tools > Transform Tools > Perspective. Set it to Transform layer, Direction to Corrective (backward), Clipping to Crop to result. Then zoom in (Ctrl+Mouse wheel) on each corner of GIMP’s canvas and drag each diamond to the corner of the photo, and click Transform. In GIMP 3.1 this leaves a “Floating layer (transform)” because it’s a non-destructive edit; I think you can leave this, or right-click on it in the Layers panel and choose Anchor layer.

Spot repair

If the picture’s messed up, repaint it. I mostly used the healing brush, press H.
Press + to zoom in on the dust spot
I don’t understand brushes well, I mostly used the pixel brush
I mostly used high opacity to paint out the spot instead of having to click multiple times..
Adjust the brush size to match the size of the glitch.
Now Ctrl+Click somewhere near the spot that’s about the same color to set a heal source. If you have a big brush, choose something that has the right flow.
Click to repair the spot.
Click more to repair nearby stuff.. If you start repairing with wrong pixels, Ctrl+Click somewhere else to set a new heal source

Unfading colors

Strategy: Try various things in GIMP’s Colors menu. Undo-Redo are your friend – Ctrl+Z, Ctrl+Y.
Try the Colors > Auto fixups. When in doubt Undo. I found only “White Balance” was useful.
The main tool I used is Colors > Levels, it is gold.
For 1950s B&W image, stick to the Values channel. If color histogram is zero at the ends, then drag the pointers and move them inward. This will fix the colors.

For 1960s color images that have a reddish cast, they tend to have oversaturated reds, greens that turned brown, and blues that turned gray; do the level adjustment for each color. Red hit the max in the histogram some way in from the left end before 0 then dropped off, so similar Levels adjust as with B&W drag the left pointer to the start of the Red values.
Then do the other colors. I found these tended to have a better spread of colors, so drag the middle slider slightly to beef up the blues and greens.

For 1980s color images, the whites are often overwhite and the blacks are all black. I didn’t have much luck with Colors > Instead use Colors > Curves… (you can get there from Colors > Levels by clicking [Edit these Settings as Curves]. In Curves, drag the bottom of the diagonal line up (to spread out the blacks more, and drag the top of the line down (to reduce the overwhite).

Export the individual JPEG picture, and repeat

File > Export As… come up with a good name for the file ending in .jpg, uncheck Save Exif Data and Save XMP data. Scans don’t have a lot of useful info about the lens used or anything like that.
I left Save thumbnail and Save color profile checked, and blanked out any comment inserted by my scanner.

Click the Export button in the dialog’s title bar (not [Save Settings], that just remembers the options you chose for JPEG export.)

Then Ctrl+Z or use the Edit history women to undo all the way back to the page of scanned photos, and repeat for the other photos on the same scan.

Should I still be saving JPEG images?

I exported the cleaned up scans as JPEG. The problem with JPEG is it doesn’t support alpha (transparency). So when you delete the white background “behind” a scan, it can’t be represented as transparent, the blank pixels have to have a color. That’s a hassle if you’re eventually going to put the picture on a colored background, you’ll have slivers of white where you want to see the background. I probably should have exported to the WebP format, which most browsers support, which does support transparent pixels.

There is endless campaigning for browsers to support other image formats; I remember the .mng wars of the 1980s. People want browsers to show HDR images, more detailed images with 10-bit RGB pixels instead of 8, and images with even greater compression; the problem is there are multiple new image formats offering these features, including multiple newer versions of JPEG such as Jpeg2000 and now JPEG XL.

Presenting a slide show… in PowerPoint!

I wanted to put some of these photos on tablets for a family get-together. There is or was a way to set the Windows screen saver to be a slideshow of pictures in a particular directory, but I couldn’t figure out how to do the same on an Android tablet. It turns out PowerPoint has an automatic slideshow mode with auto-advance. I don’t have PowerPoint or pay for any part of Microsoft Office, but I was able to put all the pictures into the presentation program Impress of the free and open source LibreOffice office productivity suite. I fiddled around with the slide master, added a caption to many slides, and in the Slide Transition for every slide I set Advance slide to “After 6 seconds”. I saved this as a .pps (PowerPoint Show) file that starts in autoplaying mode. Then I loaded the slideshow onto tablets on which I had installed Microsoft’s free mobile version of PowerPoint for Android, put a link to the slideshow titled “CLICK ME” on the Android home screen, and if people did so the tablet would sit there running the slide show.

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music: more “Slave to the Rhythm” with Stephen Lipson

Continuing on from Trevor Horn gigantism… I watched “Songs That Changed Music: Grace Jones – Slave To The Rhythm – with Stephen Lipson” from the article by Produce Like a Pro. He’s credited as co-writer and performer on lead guitar, bass, and keyboards, but his production and engineering contribution is even bigger.

Through a routing glitch on a Chinese server I somehow accessed “Slave to the Rhythm” on YouTubifyy Music from far in the future, and the top-rated comment was “Who’s still digging this and neuro-remixing it in 2073?” As @Jacco Talman wrote in a YouTube comment “it has it all: a thundering drumtrack, a funky bass-line, a haunting guitar [multiple guitars!], a complete classic orchestra [Richard Niles wrote an entire orchestral arrangement of which Horn and Lipson only used a few brilliant bits], and of course the unforgettable voice of Grace Jones.” I’d add all the “little bits of jewelry” like the 23:50 Dinngg! sound (from Luis Jardim), the 12:28 thrUMMM upward keyboard whoosh (from Bruce and Andy Richards), the 3:59 “not Pan pipes” flute, a dozen more motifs and riffs, the glockenspiel, the portentous Ian Shane narration… In 1985 I thought making an album out of one song was lazy pretention, but listening to remixes like Drupus’ Rough Slave Mix and Bruce Forest and DJ Friction’s Rmx, you realize “Slave to the Rhythm” is a never-ending 30-course gourmet buffet. Every meal is different and special.

The work it took to assemble a 24-track digital master of this 🤯: record new sound effect to half-inch tape, play it in sync with the original, punch it in to record onto a spare track on a second 24-track digital recorder, later program the playback offset to record tracks on the second recorder back to the first one… If that’s 21:28 “one day of recording”, it was a long day! Nowadays a musician opens a simple “breathy singer recorded in the bedroom with guitar” file in a DAW, and the screen fills with 70 tracks, so many the artist can’t remember what they all are. Mr. Lipson is being ridiculously modest at 4:20 “that’s kind of all there is… it is really a pretty bare track” and 26:17 “It’s pretty simple, isn’t it?”😂

Choose your magnum opus

I’ve got no beef with people anointing “Poison Arrow” (ABC, 1982), “Buffalo Gals” (Malcolm McLaren, 1982), “Owner of a Lonely Heart” (Yes, 1983), or “Welcome to the Pleasuredome” (Frankie Goes to Hollywood, 1984), or even later Seal pop as Trevor Horn’s greatest achievement, but “Slave to the Rhythm” is at least their equal. And it’s great to see Stephen Lipson getting more credit for this masterpiece and giving it back to the musicians and writers.

Two and a half hours of Trevor

I’m also digesting Trevor Horn’s mammoth interview with Red Bull Academy, which ended up a 2 1/2-hour video after trimming out all the songs. I want to turn it into an entire multimedia presentation hyperlinking all the names, with music/YouTube clips of every musical influence and recording that Trevor and the interviewer mention. Where are today’s multimedia authoring tools?! I can’t even figure out how to make the timestamps in the above paragraph jump to a particular point in the Lipson interview.

Also, Bruce Woolley pops up again as original writer. He also worked with Thomas Dolby at the time but I know nothing about him. Amateur musicology is never-ending.

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music: female backup singer makes the song

Musicians bring in the backup singer who’s often technically more gifted than the lead singer in the band, and she never gets enough credit.

The canonical example is “The Great Gig in the Sky” on Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. The song wouldn’t exist without Clare Torry’s wordless vocals, and “The members of the band were deeply impressed by Torry’s performance but did not tell her this, and she left the studio, with a standard £30 flat fee, under the impression that her vocals would not make the final cut.” She finally got co-writing credit 32 years later.

Another killer example is the Rolling Stones’ “Gimme Shelter”, where Merry Clayton sings/screams “Rape, murder! It’s just a shot away! It’s just a shot away!” The decent documentary 20 Feet from Stardom covers her and some other “backup” singers. Here are some other songs that wouldn’t be so memorable without the female singer.

Boz Scaggs “Miss Sun”: 2:30 into the song Lisa Dalbello delivers a thrilling “Ooooh, Oh-oh yeah yeah!”, then they hand the song over to her for the last two minutes. So damn good. It turns out Toto recorded the song years earlier as a demo, and Lisa Dalbello sang a similar great part then as well.

ABC “Poison Arrow”. Martin Fry: “I thought you loved me, but it seems you don’t care.” Karen Clayton: “I care enough to know I can never love you.” Then the drum kit gets kicked down the stairs along with Fry’s shattered ego. One of the peaks of Trevor Horn’s gigantic productions.

Detroit Spinners “Games People Play”: in addition to the famous “Mr. 12:45” bass part by Pervis Jackson, has the smooth handoff from lead singer’s “I don’t –” to Evette Benton sultrily singing the surprisingly negative:

– know where to go
It’s hopeless so
I guess I’ll leave it alone

Heaven 17 “Temptation”: Glenn Gregory lets Carol Kenyan take the lead on the choruses, and it builds and builds. When she unleashes “But it’s a million to one shot!” it’s electrifying. Heaven 17 also had Josie James sing great vocals on “Penthouse and Pavement”: “Here comes the daylight, here comes my job / Uptown in the penthouse or downtown with the mob”.

O.C. Smith “Together”: After some lovely unison singing, O.C. Smith asks: “Together we make it go, don’t we baby?” Carol Carmichael (or Lisa Roberts?) answers: “Yes we do”. I thought this was the sexiest Q&A ever on a song until…

The System “Don’t Disturb this Groove”: Mic Murphy: “Ooh, baby just lock the door and turn the phone off / It’s time, it’s time for me and you / Are you ready?” The music drops away for her: “Yeahsss”, then there’s a pause where he can’t believe his luck – THIS IS HAPPENING!. Simply orgasmic. Her line might be spoken by the great B.J. Nelson, who sang incomparable vocals on Scritti Politti tracks like “A Little Knowledge”.

Related: Tears for Fears handing over “Badman’s Song” and “Woman in Chains” to Oleta Adams on The Seeds of Love, although she was never a backup singer.

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audio: casually serious KEF speakers

I’ve been looking for something better than my little Jambox desktop speaker for years (here and here). After reading a glowing review of the KEF LS60 floor-standing active wireless speakers, I realized its baby siblings have the same do-everything connectivity in their Mark II guise (Bluetooth, USB, Google Chromecast, Roon, 3.5 mm aux in, optical in, even HDMI from a TV). The mighty LS50 bookshelf speakers seems amazing (I considered it back in 2017) but weigh 20 kg (44 lbs) a set, a bit much for my desk and $2,800 is a lot for casual listening. The LSX II is lighter (only 7.2 kg/16 lbs a set) and a friend likes them; when I found KEF USA offering a special deal of the LSX II with the Kube8b subwoofer for only $1,750 I pulled the trigger on a snazzy blue pair. The speakers were the same price at Amazon, Crutchfield had the same combo offer, so I ordered direct.

KEF LSX II compact wireless powered speakers in Cobalt Blue with Kube8b subwoofer

Shipping was free but KEF are too cheap to pay for “signature required” and UPS just left them on my doorstep; I was lucky I was home otherwise someone would have stolen two clearly labeled boxes of valuable electronics! I plugged them and the subwoofer in to power outlets (it would be cool to have a single custom power cord with a tail for each unit), linked the left and right speakers with the supplied and optional Ethernet cable, and found an RCA cable to plug in the subwoofer. The KEF app told me to set up in Google Home, and bam I can Chromecast YouTube music to the KEF system (and Roon recognized it as a endpoint).

It wasn’t quite that simple. When I set up an account at KEF, the confirmation e-mail provided a link to a broken page with nothing but a red ‘X’ and various errors in Firefox, even after I turned off ad blocking; after a few goes in chromium it worked. And neither the LSX II instructions on paper nor the KEF app told me how to connect KEF’s own subwoofer. And I was unable to get Bluetooth in a couple of tries (just as a test, because normally I’ll use my phone to tell Chromecast or Roon to play through the speakers).

Not used to subwoofing

screenshot of the audio adjustment in basic mode of the KEF Android app

The KEF app in basic mode lets you specify the speakers’ setup: desk mode, distance from the front edge, distance from the walls, how lively and large the room is. The sliders are weird, they don’t show many gradations. You can tell it you have the Kube8b subwoofer, it tells you how to set the subwoofer’s physical knobs, and then there are confusing sliders in the app for speaker-subwoofer balance and subwoofer output.

Apart from various 2.1 computer speaker systems, I’ve never had a subwoofer. I know my door-sized Magneplanar 3.6Rs are light on bass, but how much bass am I supposed to be hearing? Without a separate subwoofer to adjust you don’t worry and the mark of a quality stereo is the absence of tone controls, which I miss about 0.1% of the time; I just enjoy the startling clarity of the Magneplanar sound. But with a system including a subwoofer I now have to guess how prominent the bass should be: how much bass the musicians were assaulted by in the recording studio, adjusted by how much bass I want to hear. To start I dragged the app’s balance towards the subwoofer and set its subwoofer output on maximum. A whole lot of muffled bass sounds going into the floor! It’s OK when I’m in front of the speakers enjoying the treble, but at a distance the treble doesn’t carry and the low bass is too much, so I backed the knobs off. The Kube8b is OK for my desk area, but is probably woefully inadequate for our entire office/kitchen/dining space with Markoff-Fullerton’s beautiful high ceiling.

So the sound…

I need desk stands (KEF charges a high $200 for aluminum stands but there are cheaper ones on Etsy) and more tweaking, but damn right away the mids and midbass are 😘. 30 seconds into his version of “Tuesday Heartbreak” and I need to make love with Michael McDonald.

Where to point them

The problem is I have four places I could set them up: on my desk as extreme computer speakers, facing my office area, flipped to put sound into the kitchen and dining area, and as TV speakers (since I never did set up a TV multimedia system). For three of those the subwoofer doesn’t have to move, but it’s fiddly to move the speakers around. I knew I would have this problem which is why I spent years hoping to find a single-box solution. One answer would be to buy three more systems…

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art: love and ancient mastery at the Legion of Honour

John Singer Sargent in Spain is pretty good. Paintings of fishermen and male artists looking at the viewer with smouldering eyes… it’s puzzling that a San Francisco museum didn’t mention the “lifelong bachelor”‘s likely love affair with Albert de Belleroche, even on the latter’s portrait! For that matter, Sargent’s paintings of donkeys have more feeling than his chilly society portraits of women…??

portrait of Albert de Belleroche by John Singer Sargent, 1882
love is in the air

As always at the Legion of Honor, the mysterious Cycladic sculptures with their curved Brancusi faces and rigidly incised folded arms KO everything else in the building, including Rodin. The artist known as the Goulandris Master was teaching Picasso and Henry Moore everything about human sculptures, FOUR THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED YEARS AGO 🤯!

three Cycladic sculptures by the artist known as the Goulandris Master, 2500 BCE
incredible!
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music: Pino Palladino’s epic bass fill

Imma let you finish, but 6:35 into “Badman’s Song” Pino Palladino unleashes the epic bass fill OF ALL TIME 🤯🔥.

I’ve listened to Tears for Fears’ The Seeds of Love dozens of times and somehow missed it amongst the piano and drums fireworks (Oleta Adams and Manu Katché 😍), until someone pointed it out in comments on a video about another extraordinary run that Palladino dropped on John Mayer’s “Who Do You Think I Was” (How PINO PALLADINO played the PERFECT bass fill). In my defense, it’s two understated seconds in the mix and overshadowed by all the other sterling musicianship on this big album (“Its lengthy production and scrapped recording sessions cost over £1 million” – Wikipedia). I’m gonna need a bigger woofer 🔊 for this and Jaco Pastorius on “Havona”.

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skiing: mellow Kirkwood

Continued use of skierpage.com has certain requirements…

I got a notice from the Department of Internet Money that I risk losing the skierpage domain if I only ski once a season, so despite a poorly elderly dog we drove the (relative) backroads to Kirkwood, a return after 30 years. Past industrial cherry orchards, the smallish Tesla Megapack factory in Lathrop (“expected to produce 40 GWh of battery systems annually” to provide a few hours of power to the grid after the sun goes down or the wind isn’t blowing), vineyards, and the gold rush town of Jackson (where Mel and Faye’s Diner has 5 recent pinball machines in perfect condition and a row of Tesla Superchargers in the back).

Kirkwood, the least Vail-like resort in the Epic system

Kirkwood was ridiculously chill, probably less than 200 people on the slopes. Most things were closed including the ski school and the Timber Creek beginner area. The backside (really the side-side) was only open Fri-Sun 😢.

One irritation is we bought 3-day passes at Kirkwood for $306 per adult ($102/day), but an Epic day pass granting one three days at Kirkwood, and 31 other resorts, and bigger discounts on ski rental, was only $223 ($74/day). That’s still a lot for five chairlifts, only one a fast detachable quad.

A lot of snow

Global surface temperature anomalies for the first three months of 2023 compared to a 1951-1980 baseline period, taken from Berkeley Earth
The one cool ski region on Earth!

I was in Tahoe for 2010-2011’s mammoth snow year (810 inches – 67 feet! – of snow at Squ— uhh, Palisades Tahoe), but this season was still impressive. The US West was one of the few places on Earth that had a cooler than normal winter, and it snowed and snowed. The garage in the picture is below grade but look at how high that snow bank extends: we heard the faint wails of people who have been trapped in the ground floor units for months.

Kirkwood building showing snow bank extended far above fround floor windows.

Not-so-expert

As a result of all the snow, double black-diamond ◆◆ routes like “THE WALL” (normally an intense 8-foot drop-in) were mellow snow fields. Skiing the cream on great all-mountain skis (the Völkl M6 Mantra, the Blizzard Black Pearl for shred Betty) was a pleasurable echo of making turns in powder.

"Experts Only" sign at the top of Cornice chair.
not with this much snow

Banked trench madness

We saw an intriguing ‘S’ shape cut into the snow in the distance and skied over to it. It was a ridiculously tight channel with banked walls. I tried skiing it and immediately was out of control, unable to slow down, and had to fly out. A lift operator said it was from a banked slalom contest earlier in the season, but Kirkwood’s Annual Banked Slalom “held in Snow Snake Gully” seems different, way bigger turns in a wide gully lower down that was fun and fairly easy to ski.

view of Wagon Wheel Bowl and Cornice Express chair, with crazy S-shaped trench in snow field highlighted
intriguing…
view down the S-shaped trench, possibly on Lost Cabin run
impossible!

Carving camp

Ted Ligety displaying carving turn mastery while winning the 2015 men's giant slalom world championships on Birds of Prey racecourse
how?!!!??! ©Eric Bolte USA TODAY Sports

I tried to improve my carving. I learned to do true carves by making railroad tracks on the Mountain Run at Palisades Tahoe: “just” pull up on a big toe+little toe pair to put both skis on edge, and hold it as your skis start to turn. You can either wiggle side-to-side or blast into huge radius turns. Fun, but it meant I never got used to being in extreme extension carved position with hip and knuckles dragging in the snow like the Giant Slalom champ and turn genius Ted Ligety (this New York Times video segment is sensational); and I never learned to punch into carved turns on steeper slopes. So I watched a bunch of YouTube videos that purported to teach carving. Many were promoting the CARV bluetooth footplates (??!), many went on and on about the position you need to be in without giving any drills to get into that position; many gave useless techno-spiel advice like “straighten the new outside leg to apply pressure early in the turn and keep moving your Center of Mass down the hill.” Arggh. I found a few drills that helped a little, and I think I got a little better.

Runaway ski

In the old days you would hear “Runaway ski!” with some 204cm missile hurtling down the slope. Now ski brakes pop out to slow down skis that come off, but when shred Betty launches a ski like a javelin down a steep slope in a patented “ass over teakettle” maneuver, it can take a while. Sideslipping down a steep ungroomed slope on one ski is a great drill…

Blizzard Black Pearl is ONE fast ski
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art: excellent VR experience of the ISS

THE INFINITE is one of the best VR exhibitions I’ve experienced (and I’m lucky to have strapped into Char Davies’ unbelievably great Osmose and the PHI Centre’s Horizons VR greatest hits exhibition, and even the early 1991 Dactyl Nightmare VR game ).

People wearing VR headsets wandering around the International Space Station in virtual reality in THE INFINITE exhibition.
Trust me, these people are enjoying an amazing experience in space station space.

These people are wandering in and around the International Space Station, reaching out to various glowing orbs that trigger brief immersive videos filmed at that location of the actual astronauts working and talking. The way the VR presents the other patrons as shimmering volumes so you see but don’t see them, and the floating video cameras that suggest where to look are so well-done. Then you watch a spacewalk in VR and it’s genuinely tense and eerie like the movie “Gravity” to watch people working in free-fall around the Earth at 7.66 km/s (17,000 miles per hour): one slip and they’ll drift away beyond rescue. Then in real life you enjoy some immersive middling artworks. The exhibit seems to be on tour, so if you get a chance to see it, GO! I think it would be pretty good to just see it at home alone with a VR headset, moving between each glowing orb with a controller; but the experience of walking around with another disembodied person and counting down “3-2-1 touch” to simultaneously view each VR movie is quite special.

The International Space Station

the International Space Station in sunlight with the curved blue surface of the Earth behind it
International Space Station, by NASA/crew of STS-132 as it undocked

The ISS is one of the singular achievements of humanity. As Peter Schjeldahl (RIP) wrote in the New Yorker about Richard Serra’s triumphs of metal sculpture, “Serra conserves a battered modernist confidence in the collective genius of experts, a priestly class that confers meaning and direction on society.” In this case, engineering experts built a technology stack with extraordinary care and dedication (and ~$100 billion) that lofted 420,000 kilograms of advanced stuff into low Earth orbit so a handful of people can live and work 400 km (250 miles) above the Earth. Humanity can do great things.

Daydreamed not

When I bought my Pixel 3 I was happy to spring for Google’s $79 Daydream View headset and controller phone accessory. I like videogames, I’ve enjoyed most of the VR experiences I’ve seen outside the house. But even though I enjoyed tossing things into a lake and exploring the Taj Mahal, I only ever used it twice. Every time I read about a cool VR artwork or experience I meant to take it off the shelf, recharge the Daydream headset and controller, put my phone in the headset and strap it on my head, calibrate it, then enjoy an immersive world. But I didn’t, and of course Google canceled it.

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skiing: my interview script with the great Mikaela Shiffrin

Jimmy Fallon: Welcome welcome to the Tonight Show. Tonight we’re so honored. This season she surpassed the great Lindsey Vonn and the legendary Ingemar Stenmark with EIGHTY-SEVEN World Cup wins to stand alone as the G.O.A.T., the greatest alpine skier of all time, our friend MIKAELA SHIFFRIN!

A group of oiled scantily-clad muscular men and women wearing ski boots raise ski poles to form an archway, through which another group carry a palanquin made out of skis, on which resides Mikaela Shiffrin. They lower it and she steps off as more acolytes toss glittering snow and a couple of goats with cowbells walk around.

Jimmy Fallon: Welcome. What a season. You were overall World Cup champion for the fifth time and you’re the winning-est ever. How are you doing? Have your feet touched the ground or are you carried everywhere?

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: When you equaled Ingemar Stenmark’s 86 world cup victories, you said “for me, the biggest dream is to be mentioned in the same sentence as the Swedish legend.” That’s respect. Did you read what he said about you [pulls out card]: “She’s much better than I was… She has everything. She has good physical strength, she has a good technique, strong head.” What does it mean to you, that acknowledgement from your idols?

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: And how strong IS your head? Is that a Swedish weightlifting thing? Why do you even wear a helmet?

Mikaela: …

Mikaela Shiffrin sits in the snow with her head down and skis off.
The greatest at the side of the slalom course at the 2022 Winter Olympics after skiing out.
©Robert F. Bukaty/AP Images

Jimmy Fallon: It feels weird, but let’s talk about failure. Some say on the biggest stage, the Winter Olympics, you choked: in 2022 you blew a turn in your two favorite events and did not finish, and your best result was 9th place. But! First, you have two gold medals and a silver from previous Olympics, come on! one of the best Olympic records of any American skier, ever! [wild applause and cheering from the audience] Second, you were the 9th best skier in the world at an Olympic event! Hey audience, raise your hand if you’re the 9th best in the world at anything!
[Camera pans around audience, very few have their hands raised, camera continues panning to the Roots (the Tonight Show house band); every musician has his hand raised.]

Jimmy Fallon: that’s fair, the Roots are the best band on TV. OK, but I meant in athletic achievement.
[Hands go down, but saxophonist Ian Hendrickson-Smith and trumpeter Dave Guy still have their hands raised. Cut to Tonight Show announcer/sidekick Higgins, his hand is also up]

Higgins: three-legged racer with my mother, undefeated in two seasons.

Jimmy Fallon: OK, we have talented staff here… but specifically winter sports?
[Camera cuts back to the horn section, they’re now wearing ski racing helmets with sponsor stickers, ski goggles, and padded racing gloves, and their hands are still raised.]

Wow, I had no idea. Ian, Dave, we have to get you on the slopes!
My point is, 9th best is pretty damn good for mere mortals. Mikaela, if you had medalled at three Olympics in a row, would your head even fit through the studio doorway?

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: Do you need a relative failure like that to stoke your fires, to come back bigger and badder?

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: I want to take you into the multiverse for a moment. There’s a world in which you’re still a great skier, you’re beautiful, you train so hard, you’re on the USA ski team… and 9th is your best finish, ever. That’s what it’s like in this world for many of your team mates. Does that even compute? Would you still be skiing and loving it, or would you have to switch to dominating something else like the trumpet, or three-legged racing? [quick cut to Higgins with cheesy gold-painted youth race medals around his neck, furiously shaking his head “NO”]

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: What are your plans now this season is over?

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: Of course, next season [Ahhnold Schwarzenneger voice] You’ll Be Back. Do you have particular goals beyond trying to win every. single. damn. time you’re at the top of a race course? Like breaking the records for wins in other events besides your slalom specialty, or finishing a race on one ski like the great Bode Miller (check it out, folks)?

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: Besides your “strong head,” are there still areas you’re working on? If you could improve one thing to achieve unstoppable Terminator Mode, would it be faster, better vision/awareness, more controlled or more explosive speed, endurance, or??

Mikaela Shiffrin: …

Jimmy Fallon: So harder, better, faster, stronger. Harder, better, faster, stronger🎶🎵 [Band kicks in playing the Daft Punk song] Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. [Jimmy and Mikaela get up to dance, the bare-skinned group who carried Mikaela return…] Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been an honor talking with the greatest alpine skier of all time, Mikaela Shiffrin!


I seriously want to see this interview:

  • I’m genuinely interested in Ms. Shiffrin’s responses, especially to the “what if you were just really good at skiing but no champion” hypothetical.
  • Jimmy Fallon and Mikaela Shiffrin already have good rapport, this won’t be a stretch for them.
  • It will be hella entertaining, and will encourage the public recognition that she needs so that she gets the Time/ESPN/Laurea sports personality of the year award instead of it going to the usual someone who chases a ball.

I’m publishing my own work under the Creative Commons’ “No Rights Reserved” CC0 license below to free it of copyright restrictions around the world. Anyone can take this and do anything with it they want without compensating me or even crediting me, including the Tonight Show writers. Come on, make it happen!

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To the extent possible under law, skierpage has waived all copyright and related or neighboring rights to “my interview script with the great Mikaela Shiffrin.” This work is published from: United States.

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